Good, Bad, and Ugly (Read at your own risk…)

Hey people,

 Hope all is well.  I wanted to update those of you who still check around for me and/or follow-ups to The Mansion.  I appreciate those of you whom are faithful to the series and sending messages inquiring about the next release.  But usually when I break for a while I expect people to think of their other favorite series, music videos, or something beyond sims completely.

So here’s what’s been up.  As you know, school has started and within the past two months I’ve read approximately 5 novels, 30 short stories, 2 plays and the Lord only knows how many pages of that darn copy-editing textbook.  All and all, it’s going well.  I definitely am starting to feel that I’m getting my money’s worth and learning what I should for an English major and Creative Writing minor.  Ironically, all this reading has reignited my love for leisure reading as well as my own writing.  And I’ve been taking trips to the library 1-2 times a week. 

This is where my free time has gone: Reading and Writing.  I still enjoy the sims, and at random moments on the weekend I find myself playing the game for a couple of hours.  But lately it isn’t long before life tempts me to read another chapter, write another paragraph, or go back to that (I hate to say) inconsistent job search.  So I haven’t been watching Sims movies, and I definitely haven’t been working on The Mansion.  I know, I suck, I’m inconsistent and I wish that I could finish the series already.  But it all takes time and this year, that is something that is especially important to me.  In approximately 6 months I’ll be graduating from college and heck, not only do I need a job now to save up, I’m supposed to be applying for a career or at the very least an internship.  When things like this cross my mind, it’s hard for me to continue doing the things I do for fun.  Do I really want to stay in my mom’s house making sims movies after I graduate?  Not really.  In short, Reality is calling me home.  And that means weighing what matters the most to me.  

 What matters the most?  Starting the path to a career, working on my writing everyday, staying close to my family as it expands and enjoying the miraculous beauty of life.  But this includes books, movies and theatre.  My love for the arts will never go away.

Therefore, I will not cancel The Mansion, but it will be postponed until things slow down and line up a bit more.  I can’t promise to return The Mansion this month or next month because I have too many things to organize at the moment.  But when I’m ready, I’ll let you know.

Now, this post is already super long.  So those of you simply looking for an update on the status of The Mansion can end your reading here. 

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On another note:  If you’ve ever seen my profile on My Sim Page on thesims2.com, you might notice that in the About Me section I mention that I’m an “inconsistent, easy to get along with, complicated girl” who happens to change her mind “without notice”.  Usually I don’t talk much about my relationships in this blog because, well I just figure that those of you who read it don’t look for that.  But for some reason I feel the need to note some things about myself which I’ve noticed recently.

I think that for the most part, I’m a friendly person.  But I can suck as a friend.  People call or write me, and sometimes it can take a while for me to respond.  I keep a lot to myself and acquaintances at arm’s  distance.  I can be an awesome person to listen to problems, give advice or temporary support, but I am not a safety net.  All too often, I invest much more than I should into my friendships and withdraw and run like crazy when I realize that some people aren’t meant to be in my life forever.

I guess I’m saying this because, I go through transitions.  Lots of them.  And I can sense when I’m going to go through them because I’ve had so many!  Is it the sign of a fickle person when they sift through friends like a deck of cards?  Is it a sign of growth?  Confusion? Intelligence?  Would I be stubborn to stay exactly the same forever?  Live in the same place, do the same things, talk to the same people for as long as I live?  Does this make me a bad person?

The truth is, I’ve met several people through Machinima directing whom I’ve referred to in the past as my friends.  The original set contained many memories for me.  Those were the relationships that pulled me back into filming after I retired.  Many of those friends have moved on with life now, some I still talk to from time to time.  Consistent, steady people whom I’ve been able to count on for almost 2 and a half years.  I look up to these people for what I lack, in talent and in personality, and I appreciate their patience with my own.

Then there was the new set, found after my return.  Easy to grasp because their young, lively interest in this hobby reminded me of my original love for Machinima.  They reminded me of the days I spent watching “Maybe You”, “Heyya”, “Trapped in the Closet”, “Life or Somethin”.  The 24 hours I spent trying to understand the in-game camera for my first video, “Seven Days”.  My first original series, “The 12 Days of Christmas”, created with my first director friend, Chaneljcoco.  These people were too new to be a part of “the drama”, to know about “the drama”, or care about “the drama”.  They enjoyed the process of filmmaking for what it was: filmmaking.  And this reignited me.  It made me feel new to machinima again.

But the fact of the matter is, without amnesia, or a memory even crappier than I have now, it’s impossible for me to ignore my experience from my first year.  Whatever my experiences, good or bad, they were how I grew as a person and a director and I wouldn’t change one thing.  Not even the smallest.

So I feel this way now, as I sense new friendships coming to an end.  It doesn’t take an argument, a debate or even a hello to realize that things are changing.  People are changing.  Some I’m sure I’ll talk to from time to time.  It seems that as I get older, some things just aren’t so personal anymore.  In all honesty, Chanel and I haven’t talked in a little while, but that doesn’t make me think we’re no longer friends.  She’s busy, I’m busy, but I’m 99.9% sure that when that baby is born, I’ll be getting a picture!  (I better get a picture… I say that because I know she’ll read this!)  But there are some who I know things will change with.  The conversations get shorter, the distance grows, and eventually it just kinda stops. 

It sucks, it stinks, and sometimes I wish it could stay the same.  Sometimes, I try to go back and make things the same.  But it never really is.  So I figure, the less I fight it, the sooner I can face it.  There are some people whom I’ve honestly told I’m going to be taking a break from our friendships.  And I can’t be sure that the break will end.  But I see no point in lying or being rash.  If there is one thing that the sims community has taught me, it is not to be rash!  I no longer go deleting videos when I’m upset or disagree with something, and even though I was thoroughly honest with these people, I won’t block them on messenger or delete them.  If they choose to do so, I won’t stop them. 

But, I just wanted to put this out there as a warning.  I am not a perfect person.  Not a consistent person.  Not a rash person.  Things are changing and I can’t be the only one who sees that.  I am changing and as a result, my friendships are shifting.  My priorities are switching and that affects the people around me.  My social perspective on the machinima community too often affects my creative perspective.  And I think that because of that, this transition of friendships may be greater than my last: from many, to some, to few.  I think life will be easier that way.

And this brings me to my final point.  I hope that this makes sense to you if anyone (anyone at all!) is still reading this.  I… don’t think I’m looking for constructive criticism anymore.  In all honesty, I want to finish The Mansion, and make music videos from time to time when I feel up to it.  I don’t need the recognition, and I don’t want a job in filming.  I’m a writer, and publishing is where my interests are.  Filming is what I do for fun.  Placing individual storylines that I have yet to place anywhere else into a media form for the public to see.  That’s my desire.  Not that I can’t handle criticism. I enjoy it and use it.  In fact, if it is still offered, I won’t turn it down.  But it’s no longer my priority.

I definitely don’t feel that I’m some perfect director or someone who can’t grow.  I just want to entertain people now.  Heck, I wanna entertain myself.

Anyway, if you read all of this, thanks for reading my 1600-no 1700- word chapter here!  I just had a lot that I needed to get out and I feel much better now.

For those of you who skipped around, here’s a summary:

-The Mansion will be postponed until further notice

-I’m a friendly person, but a sucky friend

-I’m a sucky friend, but a friendly person

-I don’t plan to seek constructive criticism once I officially return to filming

Thanks guys!

~Kim

The Mansion: Part Four

Yes, it’s seriously here and I couldn’t be happier.

 This installment gave me several headaches and plenty of technical difficulties.  But I won’t fuss about that now.  I am glad to have it done and to be able to continue presenting this story to you guys in movie form.

 I got the chance to try some new camera tricks here,  (ie., flying pencils combined with greenscreen) and I’m pretty happy with the way they turned out.  They actually were a little easier to do than some of the other shots that I initially thought would be simple. 

So after all the delays, glitches and tornadoes,  I’m glad to have this one done and I think that the rest of the series, Parts Five – Eight will be much easier to complete.  Of course that doesn’t mean faster!  But we’ll have to see. lol 

Classes will be starting in a little over a week, so I’ll see what I can do.  I’m hoping to keep up with a filming schedule that will allow me to put out one ep each month, but once again, no promises yet!

 Thanks for the patience you guys and for all the constructive criticism and reviews.  I’m thinking that this one will give you a few things to critique, seeing as how I tried so many new things, including Decorgal’s new Custom Modeling Poses Overlay Hack.  I’m still learning, but this one wasn’t too hard to utilize.  But  I do think working with her other talk hacks first made it easier for me.

I made an effort at the end to give the mod creators I often use a special thanks.  I think I left out Numenor, so a special thanks needs to go out there as well.  I think these people do some great work that I personally can’t figure out how to do!  lol  And they deserve to be acknowledged more often.

I also should take this time out to thank the cast for sending in all of their lines and doing retake after retake.  Especially Ianplayssims whom was willing to do about 3 takes of every line to put across the emotions that I desired.  I was very happy to have some of the original cast return in this installment, including Ianplayssims (Ulan) and Brosys_30 (Ward).  Sims2aholic (the original voice of Sami) will also be making a comeback as another character in a couple of episodes, so keep an ear out for her as well. 

But all of them are awesome for agreeing to continue to work with me on this project and sending in their lines for the whole series quickly and being patient with my picky demands. lol  I would recommend them to anyone looking for quality actors.

Anyway, that’s all for now you guys.  Keep an eye out for Part Five and I hope you enjoyed Part Four!

 ~Kim

P.S.  I have to thank Deb (Maidenfine) once again for allowing me to turn this cool series into a movie!  I think her baby may be due any day now, so this one will have to be a present from me to her! lol  Congrats, Deb!