Hey people,
Hope all is well. I wanted to update those of you who still check around for me and/or follow-ups to The Mansion. I appreciate those of you whom are faithful to the series and sending messages inquiring about the next release. But usually when I break for a while I expect people to think of their other favorite series, music videos, or something beyond sims completely.
So here’s what’s been up. As you know, school has started and within the past two months I’ve read approximately 5 novels, 30 short stories, 2 plays and the Lord only knows how many pages of that darn copy-editing textbook. All and all, it’s going well. I definitely am starting to feel that I’m getting my money’s worth and learning what I should for an English major and Creative Writing minor. Ironically, all this reading has reignited my love for leisure reading as well as my own writing. And I’ve been taking trips to the library 1-2 times a week.
This is where my free time has gone: Reading and Writing. I still enjoy the sims, and at random moments on the weekend I find myself playing the game for a couple of hours. But lately it isn’t long before life tempts me to read another chapter, write another paragraph, or go back to that (I hate to say) inconsistent job search. So I haven’t been watching Sims movies, and I definitely haven’t been working on The Mansion. I know, I suck, I’m inconsistent and I wish that I could finish the series already. But it all takes time and this year, that is something that is especially important to me. In approximately 6 months I’ll be graduating from college and heck, not only do I need a job now to save up, I’m supposed to be applying for a career or at the very least an internship. When things like this cross my mind, it’s hard for me to continue doing the things I do for fun. Do I really want to stay in my mom’s house making sims movies after I graduate? Not really. In short, Reality is calling me home. And that means weighing what matters the most to me.
What matters the most? Starting the path to a career, working on my writing everyday, staying close to my family as it expands and enjoying the miraculous beauty of life. But this includes books, movies and theatre. My love for the arts will never go away.
Therefore, I will not cancel The Mansion, but it will be postponed until things slow down and line up a bit more. I can’t promise to return The Mansion this month or next month because I have too many things to organize at the moment. But when I’m ready, I’ll let you know.
Now, this post is already super long. So those of you simply looking for an update on the status of The Mansion can end your reading here.
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On another note: If you’ve ever seen my profile on My Sim Page on thesims2.com, you might notice that in the About Me section I mention that I’m an “inconsistent, easy to get along with, complicated girl” who happens to change her mind “without notice”. Usually I don’t talk much about my relationships in this blog because, well I just figure that those of you who read it don’t look for that. But for some reason I feel the need to note some things about myself which I’ve noticed recently.
I think that for the most part, I’m a friendly person. But I can suck as a friend. People call or write me, and sometimes it can take a while for me to respond. I keep a lot to myself and acquaintances at arm’s distance. I can be an awesome person to listen to problems, give advice or temporary support, but I am not a safety net. All too often, I invest much more than I should into my friendships and withdraw and run like crazy when I realize that some people aren’t meant to be in my life forever.
I guess I’m saying this because, I go through transitions. Lots of them. And I can sense when I’m going to go through them because I’ve had so many! Is it the sign of a fickle person when they sift through friends like a deck of cards? Is it a sign of growth? Confusion? Intelligence? Would I be stubborn to stay exactly the same forever? Live in the same place, do the same things, talk to the same people for as long as I live? Does this make me a bad person?
The truth is, I’ve met several people through Machinima directing whom I’ve referred to in the past as my friends. The original set contained many memories for me. Those were the relationships that pulled me back into filming after I retired. Many of those friends have moved on with life now, some I still talk to from time to time. Consistent, steady people whom I’ve been able to count on for almost 2 and a half years. I look up to these people for what I lack, in talent and in personality, and I appreciate their patience with my own.
Then there was the new set, found after my return. Easy to grasp because their young, lively interest in this hobby reminded me of my original love for Machinima. They reminded me of the days I spent watching “Maybe You”, “Heyya”, “Trapped in the Closet”, “Life or Somethin”. The 24 hours I spent trying to understand the in-game camera for my first video, “Seven Days”. My first original series, “The 12 Days of Christmas”, created with my first director friend, Chaneljcoco. These people were too new to be a part of “the drama”, to know about “the drama”, or care about “the drama”. They enjoyed the process of filmmaking for what it was: filmmaking. And this reignited me. It made me feel new to machinima again.
But the fact of the matter is, without amnesia, or a memory even crappier than I have now, it’s impossible for me to ignore my experience from my first year. Whatever my experiences, good or bad, they were how I grew as a person and a director and I wouldn’t change one thing. Not even the smallest.
So I feel this way now, as I sense new friendships coming to an end. It doesn’t take an argument, a debate or even a hello to realize that things are changing. People are changing. Some I’m sure I’ll talk to from time to time. It seems that as I get older, some things just aren’t so personal anymore. In all honesty, Chanel and I haven’t talked in a little while, but that doesn’t make me think we’re no longer friends. She’s busy, I’m busy, but I’m 99.9% sure that when that baby is born, I’ll be getting a picture! (I better get a picture… I say that because I know she’ll read this!) But there are some who I know things will change with. The conversations get shorter, the distance grows, and eventually it just kinda stops.
It sucks, it stinks, and sometimes I wish it could stay the same. Sometimes, I try to go back and make things the same. But it never really is. So I figure, the less I fight it, the sooner I can face it. There are some people whom I’ve honestly told I’m going to be taking a break from our friendships. And I can’t be sure that the break will end. But I see no point in lying or being rash. If there is one thing that the sims community has taught me, it is not to be rash! I no longer go deleting videos when I’m upset or disagree with something, and even though I was thoroughly honest with these people, I won’t block them on messenger or delete them. If they choose to do so, I won’t stop them.
But, I just wanted to put this out there as a warning. I am not a perfect person. Not a consistent person. Not a rash person. Things are changing and I can’t be the only one who sees that. I am changing and as a result, my friendships are shifting. My priorities are switching and that affects the people around me. My social perspective on the machinima community too often affects my creative perspective. And I think that because of that, this transition of friendships may be greater than my last: from many, to some, to few. I think life will be easier that way.
And this brings me to my final point. I hope that this makes sense to you if anyone (anyone at all!) is still reading this. I… don’t think I’m looking for constructive criticism anymore. In all honesty, I want to finish The Mansion, and make music videos from time to time when I feel up to it. I don’t need the recognition, and I don’t want a job in filming. I’m a writer, and publishing is where my interests are. Filming is what I do for fun. Placing individual storylines that I have yet to place anywhere else into a media form for the public to see. That’s my desire. Not that I can’t handle criticism. I enjoy it and use it. In fact, if it is still offered, I won’t turn it down. But it’s no longer my priority.
I definitely don’t feel that I’m some perfect director or someone who can’t grow. I just want to entertain people now. Heck, I wanna entertain myself.
Anyway, if you read all of this, thanks for reading my 1600-no 1700- word chapter here! I just had a lot that I needed to get out and I feel much better now. 
For those of you who skipped around, here’s a summary:
-The Mansion will be postponed until further notice
-I’m a friendly person, but a sucky friend
-I’m a sucky friend, but a friendly person
-I don’t plan to seek constructive criticism once I officially return to filming
Thanks guys!
~Kim
